Oh happy Thursday!! I’m always more tired on Thursday mornings than I am Wednesday mornings. You would think after running from Thursday through Tuesdays that Wednesdays I would be zonked and just want to sleep. Nope. I’m wired on Wednesdays and zonked on Thursdays. Honestly…………….
I dread Thursdays!!
There. I said it. I dread Thursdays.
Anyways, 23 days and I still have a lot of mileage to go . 6 today, 6 tomorrow, 16 Saturday, 10 Sunday, etc., etc. You get the picture.
Today is Wednesday and that means it’s rest day for me.
I’m a little tired but nothing like I thought I would be after running 20 miles on Saturday, light easy 6 on Sunday, 6 Monday and 8 rounds of Yassos yesterday. The end is drawing near and I’m excited. I did this “half” which is 14.1 for them (Hey it’s Mississippi what can I say) back in ’06 (I think) as a training run for Chicago marathon and I knew I had to go back one day for the whole BECAUSE I DIDN’T GET A FINISHERS MEDAL!! Only marathoners did. I was robbed and jilted.
So here we go in 24 days I’ll be getting up at STUPID THIRTY (aka, 3:30 a.m.) for a 5 a.m. race. Whew. That’s early. I’ve already started prepping my pit crew (my husband) for this ridiculously early race. He’s not a runner or an early riser so this is going to be fun!
Okay so right this second I’m about a size 12. As of November 11, 2012 I was a solid 16 maybe pushing to a larger size. For a couple of years I had teetered around 14 but for more years than I can remember I was a 10. So I’ve been thinner, healthier and rocked the short shorts at one time. In fact, people use to call me Olive Oyl from Popeye because I was so skinny at one time.
So when I reached the size 16 I thought “I’m losing it and short shorts here I come!” Okay, maybe not short shorts. It’s amazing how modest I’ve become over the years. Anyways, I digress……….So now I’m at a size 12 and people are coming up to me left and right saying wonderful things, “Oh my gosh, you look great!!” “Holy cow you’ve lost weight, girl you look good.” You would think I would be ecstatic. Jumping from roof tops saying, ” look at me, I’m skinnier!!” ‘
I still feel larger. I still cringe at picture time because I dread whats going to be the outcome of the picture. Only there’s not that larger frame staring back at me. I don’t feel 45 pounds lighter. I don’t feel any different. I should have bought new clothes by now right? I haven’t. I’m still wearing the 14’s with a belt. The 16’s are a no no because they just fall off. So that should be my “Ah ha” moment right? That’s my proof right there right, clothes literally falling off. Nope. I just stand there and examine my body and wonder, “Where did it come from and what is it that every is seeing that I’m not.” So the 16’s fall off so that’s not even an option to wear those but the 14’s I still wear because I don’t feel smaller. I tried on a pair shorts Labor Day weekend at Target (that’s how I discovered I was a 12) and I honestly waited for the moment when I COULDN’T button them. I expected the worse. I haven’t gone to smaller clothes because I don’t want the rejection of them not fitting. I don’t want to go to the dressing room and learn that sure the scale says I’m 45 pounds lighter, my clothes are much looser but secretly I’m still a size 16. Nice try, thanks and come again. MAWAHHAHHAHA!! For 6 months I sweated my butt off to have that “Woo Hoo” moment and in some cases I have. I did a happy dance and few text to husband and close friends about my size 12 victory but that was it. And another thing, I’m shocked and embarrassed when I’m complimented. Because I’m still carrying the size 16 mentally.
At what point did my brain exit this weight loss journey. It’s like all parts of me other than my mind said “Let’s go…….woo hoo! Let’s rock this!” My mind stayed back in the corner with shyness of a 3 year old waiting to be coaxed out of that corner.
But here’s the weirder part, when I was a size 16 I didn’t feel large. I was running and all so I was okay, right? I could still bike, swim and run so I obviously can’t be large if I can do that right? Okay, before you all start sending me hate mail, I know that larger people can do it. I get it. However, for me personally in my little world, I felt like if I, me, myself was large I wouldn’t be able to do these things. So when I was carrying the weight around I didn’t notice it. I still felt like a rock star when I was running. The best way I can describe it, it’s as if someone was adding rocks to my pocket one by one, day by day to the point where it was so gradual I didn’t notice the weight gain. I noticed it in my clothes but that was it. The rest of me still felt like the 21 year old skinny-minny who felt invincible. Maybe it’s denial. I saw pictures. I heard the comments, “Oh remember when we were thinner.” or ” Not so skinny anymore are you ” and my favorite to this day “Oh I thought you were getting fat, glad your pregnant.” Jackass, I’m not preggers but you’re a dumbass. My point is my mind has never been completely in-sync with the rest of me. And before I forget, words hurt people so shut your traps, because karma is a finicky bitch!
Will my mind ever be in-sync with who I am?
I think I’m doing better than I once was. There was a time I knew my body well enough to know when I wasn’t holding good form while running, or what my hips felt like when they were in the right position when I ran. But as the weight ballooned I lost those feelings and I lost that sense of self-awareness. Just recently I felt it again and it was nice. It was familiar feeling. However, the only time I feel this ……..is when I’m running. I have yet to have this on a day to day basis.
I think it’s so important to have that mind body connection in order to be successful and keep the weight off. The funny thing, I would have preached this to anybody that I might have taught in aerobic classes or worked out with. I know these things yet, I’m not doing it. I have to ask myself, if I was giving advice to someone what would I tell them. Well, from what I’ve read about positive thinking is that the our self image typically goes hand in hand with the internal images we have for ourselves. As it has been said in The 4:8 Principle: The Secret to a Joy-Filled Life , our self image acts like a performance thermostat. We can change it if we want to, but we have to take the actions to change that thermostat (self-image) ourselves or the temperature (our thoughts) will stay the same. My favorite line in the book is “Your self-image, or inner mirror, determines how you use your time, talents, knowledge, skills, and experiences.” Well said.
We have to intentionally think happy thoughts, good thoughts, positive thoughts and we have to intentionally change that thermostat to expect something different. I have to change my mindset to be a size 12 instead of a 16. At this point I’ve got to start seeing myself as 12 if not better, maybe even a 10 otherwise I’ll stay a 16 and eventually fall into the trap and eat my way back there. Remember, our actions, mimic our thoughts. Change your thoughts, change your actions.
Losing the weight was work and well worth the effort, so I know it will be worth it to change my mind set. Like anything, something worth having, is worth working towards.
Happy Memorial Day!!!
I hope your day is going as great as mine is!! Seriously, I’ve had the best weekend. I ran 10 miles, couldn’t have asked for better weather conditions. I felt great, I finished strong and I mentally felt great about it. I just pray that it continues like this. Now albeit it was JUST the first week but still even before I made an official declaration it was feeling pretty good. I’m a little nervous about this Mississippi heat that is just hanging around the corner waiting to rear it’s ugly head. I guess time will tell, right?
Meanwhile I’ve got a giveaway going on thanks to the fantastic folks at Simple Hydration.
They have given me a water bottle to review and one to giveaway. I’ll do a more formal review in the days coming but already I’m loving it. I think you will too!!
Ooops, I did it again! I’ve signed up to run Tupelo Marathon on September 1st (Labor Day Weekend) which is 15 weeks away. Which means there’s 15 weeks till the summer is over (you’re welcome for that stark, ugly reality!!).
I think I’ve wrote about this before but I have really come to learn intentional mini victories can cause major victories. To me that sentence alone should be enough. Done. We can go home now.
My running coach from day one constantly set me up for victories. At first I seriously fought with it (mentally I don’t ever think it was verbally). It didn’t feel earned. It didn’t feel natural. I mean, we’re suppose to suffer, sweat and at the end of the day, HOPE for a victory. You don’t intentionally get them. Right?
Maybe so. Maybe. OR Maybe not. So as I was saying, Coach J. from day one had all my workouts set to give me a mini victory because he knew I needed them. I was not only physically in a rut but mentally as well. Looking back, yes to both but more so to the mental rut. So as I was mentally fighting this whole mini victory thing all the way, little did I realize that by doing what he was doing, he was increasing my confidence in myself.
So how does that translate into your diet?
Setting myself up for mini victories each week has been a huge help to my diet. Setting the bar too high on my weight loss can easily back track my efforts. Set attainable goals. 10 pounds in one week, maybe not. 2 pounds a week? That’s better. Diet is a huge mental thing. I was constantly thinking about how much I would love a 8 p.m. snack, 9 p.m. snack. Oh, how about just one cupcake? All those things were my battles. Not because I was hungry but because I craved them.I thought about them. You know, there’s more to a day than just eating. Eat to live, don’t live to eat.
So what can you do?
I still believe it’s the most important meal of the day. You wouldn’t drive your car on empty tank why do we expect our bodies to function on an empty tank? So are you a skipper? Hate eating breakfast? Eat a piece of toast for a week. The next week, add half an apple with the toast. Make simple and attainable goals!
Late night snacking getting the best of you?
Ever heard the saying……..
Eat like a king for breakfast, like a prince for lunch and a pauper at dinner.
There’s been a many times I’ve had snacks that were well over 200 calories and not to mention how large my dinner was. I was eating like a queen all day! So here’s what you can do, popcorn only after dinner but no later than 8. How about just Jello after dinner the next week. Next, eliminate them every other night. Keep it going to those late night cravings are gone.
Don’t believe me, start with one day. Then maybe two days, then maybe a week. See where I’m going with this?
Don’t wish for mini victories or wait for them to happen. Make them happen!!
As of this second, I have 46 days till my self-imposed throwdown challenge is complete. 46 days!! I’ve got 20 days left in my DietBet. This girl has got to get busy!! Whew.
So I have to be honest. I haven’t been doing early morning workouts because the time change just kicked my butt. I have had the hardest time adjusting. Then it got cold again here (It’s South Mississippi, one minute you’re freezing the next your sweating, it’s crazy) so getting up early and feeling out of sync just hasn’t happened. So frustrating because I like my early mornings. However, if I look on the bright side I’ve really enjoyed my evening workouts because I was getting really antsy in the evenings on the days I worked out early. So you know, it hasn’t been a totally bad thing to sleep a little longer in the mornings and workout in the evenings. I’ve still lost weight.
One thing that has slowly stuck with me is habits, mind changes as to what I’m doing. It’s not just a diet. It’s not just about losing weight. I’ve really noticed lately that I’m more apt to drink water than diet soda. I’m not wanting to eat as much just because. If I do get a snacky hungry thing going on, I try to eat like an apple with some almonds or a Weight Watchers ice cream bar. Just not junk. Amazingly my grocery bill is so much less. I don’t keep nearly as much food in the house because eating is not my hobby. The only snacks in our house right now is peanut butter and popcorn. My hubby asked if I had a stash of treats somewhere but I don’t.
I have no self control around sweets and bad carbs. Chips, chocolate, crackers, cheesy ouey gouey. I can’t have it. I have no portion control around those things. It’s an all or nothing mentality. I can’t have it in the house or in my life. I will eat it! So if it’s not there I, I can’t eat it. I don’t buy it.
These are the lessons I’ve learned and put to practice since November 11, 2012 that I feel like have made a difference in my journey.
1. Journal EVERYTHING I eat. If it goes in my mouth, it goes in my notebook. I can not journal it but it’ll show up eventually on this body.
2. Be completely truthful with myself. I can eat chips and salsa but I have to account for it. I have to own it. Not owning it and trying to “hide” it from my food journal and my friends, family and online family doesn’t do any good. It’s still going to show up on the scale!!
The last couple of days I finally feel a change in me through this 6 month self-imposed challenge. Not just my weight but me. Brandy the person. I’ve finally feel like my eating habits I’ve been working on is now a good habit. My workout schedule is routine. I’m in a good mood. I’m happy. I’m me!
Weight loss is never just weight loss. Fitness and nutrition has been a passion of mine my whole life. As a little girl I would exercise to Jane Fonda records! Not VCR tapes but records. I would go to the gym with my mom to her aerobic classes.