26.2 minus 3

So earlier I posted that I would be going to the Callaway Marathon this past weekend. I did.  I ran. Unfortunately I only ran 23 miles. The race was really low key.  Not a lot water stations. No port a johns. The race was well marked.  However, apparently people flock to this race for the half marathon. Not the marathon. Supposedly about 150 people registered for the marathon. I think 140 finished it under 4 hours!  I only say that because I didn’t see anybody  in front or behind me.  However everything for me was going  great until mile 18.  Since there were no port a potties I had to leave the race course and go to the horticulture museum to use the bathroom. When I came out I noticed i didn’t see the 18 mile sign. No big deal right?  Well I get to 19, 20 still no signs.  I realized that the lovely course volunteers threw in the towel  and decided to go home!! After only 4 hours!  I had no bathrooms, no signs and after mile 21 no water.  So with much trepidation I called my friend and asked her to come pick me up.

Here I am 24 hours later and I can’t help but second guess myself.  I can’t help but to ask myself, did my stomach really hurt as bad I thought? Did I do the right thing? Did my mental strength fail me?  At this point I have to tell myself to let it go.  I can play “what if” all day long but I made my decision at mile 23 and I have to live with that.

Now I’m not a deep philosophical person but i can’t help but wonder how much life and marathons mirror each other. It’s not just running but it’s a way I deal with things. I like to think that I’m not a quitter. I’m not very good at owning my decisions.  Instead I will torture myself till theres nothing left of the issue at hand. I’m a worrier. I constantly worry about EVERYTHING. My mind is always going on about something.  In fact, it’s a sin at how much worrying I do.  I can’t stand to think that I handled a situation wrong. I can’t bare to think someone might be angry at me or unhappy with me.  I hate doing the wrong thing.  I want to do whats right, but sometimes doing whats right comes down to a matter of opinion. Some situations may seem right to one person but ask someone else’s opinion and that situation might be wrong.   My point is only I can look back and decide if I made the best decision for me at mile 23.

Tomorrow is a new day.